It is so quiet.  Just the gentle breeze whispers softly by as I begin this day – this new beginning – with a very grateful heart.

Yesterday was my last day at work.  21 years of working for the same institution.  Oh, how I struggled with this decision to leave.  I felt the rumblings of this call to new things long before yesterday. 

I argued.  I reasoned.  I ignored. 

Yet, the One who was calling waited patiently.  When my delay caused unnecessary pain, He reminded me of His desire. 

In the midst, I learned that delayed obedience is disobedience. 

This morning I was reminded of Jeremiah 29:11-13. 

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.  They you will call upon me and come and pray to me and I will listen to you.  You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.”

The One who laid the foundations of the earth; set the margins to the seas; knit my very being together in my mother’s womb has a plan for me (and for you).  His plan brings prosperity and when translated it is defined as completeness, peace, contentment. 

So this day, I settle in to the grace that comes from His hand.  I rest in the peace of His leading and the hope of a future planned before I ever knew.

Soon, what I have worked for and at for 21 years will be over.  Its nudging I have ignored, denied and just plain reasoned away for a good while.  Until, I could no longer.  Still and yet, its persistence doesn’t make the decision to leave an easy one. 

I wonder if I am too old to seek something new.  Is it too late to cradle a dream in my arms that I have long hidden in my heart?  If I consider things in terms of what seems “reasonable” by this world, it just doesn’t seem to be the right time. 

Yet, I hear Him whisper, “yes, now.”  So, I follow.  I say “goodbye” to that which has been so kind and “hello” to things I have only dreamt about. 

In the midst of it all, I seek to remember…

“The LORD is my portion,” says my soul, “therefore I will hope in him.”  -Lamentations 3:24

I am amazed at how many of those who attended Allume have found words so quickly.  Mine haven’t been easy or free flowing but then, my heart and my writing tend to simmer long.

I am envious of those who spring so freely.  Who can walk into a crowd and initiate conversation.  Who never seem to know a stranger and can see a blog post in most any activity.  Yet this brooding, quiet spirit is the one I have been given.  So, I stretch in baby steps – a captive conversation at dinner or a brief interaction before a session begins – awkward at best and uncomfortable at worst but attempted nonetheless.

Last year my Relevant experience was traumatic.  Walking into the first dinner late felt like being the new girl in school who is trying to figure out what table to sit at during lunch.  I didn’t know anyone.  I didn’t know much about blogging, either.  This year I still didn’t know anyone (really) and only a tad bit more of blogging.  I joked before this conference that I hoped someone would have a spatula to pry this wallflower from the wall. 

I may have joked but it was the truth.  I knew that the introverted part of me would stick like wallpaper paste to the fringes.   Soaking in the clamor but only occasionally engaging the masses.  Prayerfully I wondered why I was here and sought to glean what He spoke. 

Therein lies the beauty of Allume.

 He does speak through vessels willing to be His voice – those who allow grace to flow in and through them.  Snippets of encouragement came from every direction and not always from behind a podium but in the elevator – around the table – in the prayer room.

Their whispers danced in the air.  Soft and billowing they passed through my heart.  Some latched on like a bramble and cut deep into my soul. 

You have to bury your fear in faith otherwise you bury your talents – Ann Voskamp

If God is calling you to do something you can only fail by disobedience – Logan Wolfram

When you compare yourself – compare yourself to where you began, not to where others are  – Darren Rowse

There in the prickly truths I understand.  I may be a wallflower in the scheme of this world but my Creator beckons with hand outstretched to dance this dance of life with Him.  His hand is the one I wish to grab.  His lead is the one I wish to follow.

Wallflowers should dance but first we must leave the wall.

I think we all have a place where we can grasp tightly to the hand of God.   Creation always beckons us to His heart.  For some the mountains may display His majesty but for me it is the ocean.   

Breathing in the salty air and feeling the sand between my toes is one of my most craved for moments.  It is cathartic to a life that so easily carries burdens it was never meant to hold on to.  So, I wait restless and long to stand at the water’s rough edges and feel its cleansing wash over me.

 I am never disappointed. 

 As vast as the ocean lies in the horizon, I am reminded so are His promises for me.  The very same promises I too easily lose sight of in my daily moments. 

 He hasn’t changed at the ocean’s edge.

 I have.

 For I will satisfy the weary soul, and every languishing soul I will replenish.

Jeremiah 31:25

Always grateful for:

Family

Vacations at the beach

Sunshine and rain

Laughter

Fresh South Carolina shrimp

Coffee and a sunrise

Rest

Joining in: