Time…
We don’t control when ours begins or even when it ends – only God. Yet even still, He allows us control over the moments falling in between. It is the proverbial dash between the dates found on too many tombstones. In His creative, expressive love He has sketched out our lives but it is up to us to live the dream.
This year has been a wildly busy year with very little tangible worth. Worth, however, isn’t always found in the items we hold or touch. Sometimes and often more importantly, it is found in the things that touch us and change us. In that, this year has been overflowing.
When I left my nursing career, I thought I would have all this “extra” time – time to get home and hearth in order; time to spend with friends sipping tea and eating lunch and time to pour out my words from heart to paper. Yet, it hasn’t quite been this way. On occasion, what I think will happen does not. Such was this year.
Instead of ordering home and hearth, I have been flying by the seat of my pants trying to maintain equilibrium. I am a creature who thrives when things are clean and rightly placed. Not compulsive by any means but life happens with more clarity when my surroundings are together.
Instead of spending time with friends, I have been lucky to find a moment in a hallway to reconnect. This has made a lonely year. It is a funny road us introverts walk when our needed refueling occurs in quiet and solitude yet we desire not to do life alone. Often, we struggle between the two. This year has been a struggle.
Instead of writing with abandon I feel like I have abandoned my writing. When life is a blur and tasks are overwhelming, the work of writing falls down the “must do” list. What once used to flow now burps and spurts.
Worth carries a high price but it isn’t what you may think – it is me (and you).
I have found in the letting go of what I thought would happen – I get to embrace what He has designed. The cost is me. Only I can surrender myself. Only I can allow eternity to inhabit my present moment. He has given me that control. When I release it back to Him, the infinite invades. What I once sought to measure, I can no longer confine much less define. In Him is found the exceedingly abundant more than all I can ask or imagine. When eternity invades, His power is at work within.
I may not be able to touch it but I have been changed by it.
And that has made this a very good year.
I could hear the rain falling. Well, truth be told it wasn’t in the falling but rather in its landing. Clink, clink as incessant drops hit the siding and the gutter. Into this clamor I awoke today and surprisingly, it felt gentle in all the noise. Rainy mornings are like that – gentle.
